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"SHAGNASTY'S"
Penis Owners Club
Presents

You know when you're a Shagnasty when .......

You know you're a Shagnasty when you issue the following disclaimer to the female involved prior to the commencement of a healthy sexual session:-

"Right, lets get one thing straight. This isn't about you it's about me. It's a sad fact that you have to be involved at all but you do, nature dictates it. As long as we both understand and accept this situation, and you keep still, you'll be fine. Got that? Good, then lets start shall we"

You know you're a Shagnasty when after session the poor girl involved may be heard to say:-

  1. Is that it?
  2. Next time warn me you're about to start will you?
  3. Did you say something?
  4. Oh that's handy, now I wont need to shave for a month.
  5. No, I didn't realise the nostril was an active sexual orifice.
  6. Is it my turn yet? (Usually only heard after oral sex, suggested reply = "No, next time love")
  7. Where are you going?
  8. I've lost my page.
  9. What do you mean your mate wants in?
  10. What are you doing with that camera?
  11. Why are you taking my knickers?
  12. Christ that ashtray was cold on my back.
  13. No there aren't any other females in the building.
  14. Shall I show you how I like it with my vibrator? (Suggest reply = "No, I'll show you how you like it with your vibrator shall I?")


You know you're a Shagnasty when during the dirty deed you may be heard to utter any of the following:-

  1. Your mother likes it like this, but your sister wasn't as keen.
  2. What time is it?
  3. What times the last bus from this place?
  4. OK, what's your name then.
  5. Don't bother taking them off, I'll go around
  6. Leave the bag on I said
  7. Oops, how did that slip in there? Oh well, whilst its there.....
  8. Move, I can't see the telly.
  9. I'm done thanks, how about you?
  10. Better than your husband eh?
  11. {Shouted} NEXT!
  12. Didn't I go to school with your mother?
  13. No sorry, your Dad only paid for the straight session, no kinky stuff I'm afraid.

You know you're a Shagnasty when you play, and sing along to, any of the following musical titles during lovemaking:-

  1. "The Theme from Shaft"
  2. "Push It" from Salt'n'pepper
  3. "Working on a chain gang"
  4. "The Name Game" (Anna Anna bobanna fe fi foanna etc)
  5. "Great balls of fire"
  6. "Spinning Wheel" (especially the "what-goes-up" chorus)
  7. "Down down" by Status Quo
  8. "You ain't seen nothing yet" by Bachman Turner Overdrive
  9. "Hair" from the stage show Hair
  10. "Venus" (But only if you sing it with a P instead of a V)
  11. "Give me just a little bit more time" by Chairman of the Board
  12. "Chocolate Salty Balls" by the Chef from South Park
  13. "There were ten in the bed and the little one said......." (etc etc)
  14. "I'll get by with a little help from my friends" (Sung in a Jo Cocker style)

If any of the above sounds even remotely familiar then you are probably well on the way to being a Shagnasty. Keep up the good work Oh my brothers and only friends.

Always practice safe sex: Park in a side street, ensure that the husband wont be coming home early and remove all forms of ID from your person.

Remember that "Shagnastydom" isn't a religion or a state of mind.
It's a fucking adventure!
So get out there and explore.

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This has been a Shagnasty production of very limited value to the female equality movement, but who cares.

This page last viewed by it's creator : 31/03/2004