A note from your Editor, Shagnasty:

Greetings once again my brothers and only friends, well I made it. I've survived another month on revolution Earth. Quite amazing when you consider how fast the bugger is spinning. OK, what's with this month then. Well the first signs of summer have arrived in the UK - and - oops, spoke too soon they've gone. Oh well there is always next year eh. Console yourself, as I have, with this months POC - Enjoy. Ladies and Gentlemen I commend this POC to the house.

Your regular contributors, as always are: -

Shagnasty	Demonic Dave	Tangent Man
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Enjoy!

So you think you're a hard nut?: Part II. Behold the hardest people on the planet.

Shagnasty's Rant: Customer service, good'n'bad. Oh and FREE again. Yeah, that old chestnut - sorry!

Why Shagnasty isn't a politician.: So many reasons really, here's one more!

Penis Stuff from around the world: The Russian republic of Mordvinia this month, and, Ouch! (say no more)

Demonic's Religious Comment: Noah's Ark. You're kidding right?

Tangent Man: Tangents vanished - Oh dear.

Shagnasty's Perfect Moment: God is good and indeed smiles upon me now and again!

Penis File: 2 much of a good thing?

Shagnasty's Filthy rich and running amok: What would you do if money were literally no object.

Sponsors: Another name for advertisements people, well you can't blame me for trying can you?

Readers Submissions: The return of the unpleasant puppet.

Readers Feedback: Your comments in print.

Monthly thought: -

Vote dammit, bloody vote.

A quick note for UK residents.
In the UK women threw themselves under horses to get theirs, countless have died or been imprisoned throughout the word to get theirs. All you have to do to make their sacrifices count is bloody well use yours.
So, I don't give a flying toss who you use it on, but use your damn vote.
(Although, I will be a bit disappointed if you vote for some bloody fascist right wing weirdoes)

Shagnasty's Righteous Rant
Sorry people but it's got to be done.

"Good Vs Bad"
Tiny effort = big difference

As regular readers will be aware I'm a moaning old git when it comes to certain things. Adverts that tell lies and the use of the word "Free" to describe something that you will be charged for being two of my most regular targets. Well this month is not really any different I thought that I would for once highlight somebody who actually managed to please me. Lets face it unless you happen to be a member of the under 20's South Kent All-Girls Hockey Team arriving at my front door, with all your mates, pleasing me aint always that easy.

Lets not break with tradition though and start with the shit eh

Bad
Amazon.com We've all heard of them. Clever bloke who decided to sell books cheap over the net, proceeded to make millions by losing millions. Now that's genius. My connection however results from an order I placed for a book in November 1999 for a Christmas present for my mother. (What a good lad eh). Taking advantage of their delivery service, seasonal gift wrapping and printed personal message card, I tippy-tapped my credit card details and there you have it - Job Done. Son type duties completed with minimal effort, oh yes.
I spent the best part of a year, post Christmas, thinking that my mother was an ungrateful cow not having uttered so much as a thank you. She, conversely, spent a similar period regarding me as no more than some ingrate from her seed. Being a hippy (membership lapsed) she elected not to mention the lack of any Christmas gift.

For the book had not arrived!

Imagine my surprise therefore when I got a call from her in August 2000 thanking me for the book that had just arrived, Christmas paper, card, the works!
I know that the systems employed by Amazon must be heavily automated, but at least one human being, even one staring idly at a conveyor during his tea break, must have seen a book float past all wrapped up for Christmas. You would think that even the tiny minded would have thought - "Hello! That don't look right?"
Insult is added to injury when on complaining about the rather slow service it was I who had to suggest that the additional charges for the seasonal stuff were now somewhat inappropriate. You get no marks when I have to suggest compensation Amazon.

Good
IWantOneOfThose.com You've probably not heard of this bunch however. Nothing to set the world on fire but they sell (via the net ) stuff. Stuff that you really don't need, but want. Nothing wrong with that, you've worked hard so go on, treat yourself to a remote control fart machine. That is exactly what I did. I ordered the fart machine (hey who wouldn't!), an ashtray that looked like a fag packet (Americans commence puzzled expressions now please) and various other items of no discernable value but each of which would, in it's own right, clearly identify the quality of my character when liberally scattered around my home.
None more so that the bog monster I would suggest! I'm sure that a visiting female being greeted with a green offensive monster when lifting the toilet seat instantly thinks "Hey, I'll bet this guy is a considerate lover all right". Yeah, I thought so too.

Having placed the order nothing left to do but await my goodies to grace my letter box. The next day however I received a call on my mobile phone from a dude introducing himself as being from the web site and explaining that one of the items I ordered was not available, full of apology and offering alternatives. It wasn't the bog monster or the fart machine so I remained calm, thanked him for his call and requested that he process the order minus the missing item.

Now for those of you awaiting a punch line to this piece, there isn't one. That's the bloody point. My tale is simple, as is good service. One teeny tiny phone call and I was a happy bunny once more. That's all!
So, to all those companies that manage to get it so monumentally wrong, slow down, take a moment to speak to the bugger that's using your company. For you never know, he might write a web site that's read by over 80,000 people a month!

Rant - Update
**FREE**

Justice comes in many forms.
You will all be aware of my deep annoyance at companies that describe things that you have to pay for as free. Indeed my first ever Rant commenced with the case of freehostin.com the company that said that they would host this site completely free. IF I paid them $50.00. Well they are still at it, they have adjusted their offer to "free forever" for $35.00 a year.
$35.00 is best described as "A bloody good deal" To be described as free they would have to charge $0.00, or am I wrong. Perhaps they know something that I don't.

Anyway, I digress. Another lovely sinner in the free stakes is AOL. They have a very prominent series of adverts here in the UK involving a bloody irritating woman called Connie. She's pictured right, albeit in cartoon form only. In the adverts she's a real actress, and has my sympathy.
She uses the word Free over 10 times in the advert to describe their ISP service. Free only if you have a credit card. Free only if you cancel the service within a month via their help line that no-one answers, so you can't cancel. Hah!.
What IS free however is her. For her agent has gone bust and the poor lady hasn't received full payment for the adverts.

Ahh, justice.
[Shagnasty]

Got a rant of your own? Back to Index

Reasons that Shagnasty isn't a politician

"Another One!"

We've discussed before reasons why I'm not a politician haven't we. Well a recent event in UK politics provides yet another sterling example why The Shagnasty would be most unsuitable to represent his country - indeed if the tendency to refer to himself in the third person were not a clear enough sign of impending madness!

Today the Deputy Prime Minister, Mr John Prescott - Wait - lets make this clear now, I'm referring to the man second-in-charge of England, ok that being understood I'll continue. Mr Prescott was attending an election publicity thing in North Wales and was just exiting his battle bus when an egg collided with the side of the door, near, but not actually making contact with him.

Egg missiles are a common feature on British politics, regarded as being not as damaging as, oh I don't know lets say a brick or a small child being hurled through the air, eggs are the preferred weapon of demonstrators everywhere. The mere suggestion that intelligent debate or the lobbying of your member of parliament will always fail when the option of throwing the output of some poor battery-housed hen is on offer. …and so it was that an egg made its merry way through the air towards our glorious leaders deputy. The first salvo, as I said, missed.

Not to be deterred another protester stepped forward to within 2 feet of Mr Prescott and let the second attack go, straight into the guys mush - Ahem, I mean face. Having watched the video evidence I think that it must have hurt quite a bit not to mention severely damaging his dignity. Mr Prescott responded, as one would by closing his fist and ramming it into the chin of the eggy protestor. There then followed a rather undignified scene where the Deputy Prime minister fought on the floor with this guy whilst nearby Police attempted to drag the two of them apart.

The next day of course Mr Prescott, who's in the middle of an election campaign remember, "regretted" the incident.

Ok, so why won't I make a good politician then, its not because I wouldn't have lamped the guy who threw the egg I can tell you straight away, I'd have stamped repeatedly on his left one until dragged away oh yes indeed. No, there is no difference between me and Mr Prescott there.

I think the best way to highlight the difference would be in the form of a transcript were it I making the press conference this morning.

Reporter: - Shagnasty, why did you strike the protestor this morning whilst campaigning in Wales?
Shagnasty: - Well I obviously don't condone the use of violence but I'm sure that you will all agree that in the face of such enormous provocation I was really left with no alternative.
Reporter: - But Shagnasty, it was only an egg, no real harm done surely?
Shagnasty: - Never mind the bloody egg, the man was overtly and blatantly Welsh. What would you have done?

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Aroused by fresh pancakes
A frying pan, an ardent lover and a kitchen in Mordvinia: Love hurts!

- - - - - - - - - - - -
By Jack Boulware

A doctor working in a hospital in the town of Ruzayevka, in the Russian republic of Mordvinia, probably doesn't see many surprises come through the doors of the hospital -- some industrial accidents, perhaps, the occasional mishap at the light bulb factory. But one day such a doctor found an injured couple in the emergency room -- a 30-year-old male and a 40-year-old female. Inspecting both patients, he discovered the woman had a brain concussion and the man's penis was covered in blood and tooth marks. "Aha," he might have said to himself, "today is the day my hospital will hit the newspapers."
According to news reports in Pravda, this couple was recently admitted for what was termed a "love injury." The evening began innocently enough at the flat where the couple lived together. The woman started frying pancakes -- apparently a normal dinner choice in the Volga River basin town. During the course of the meal preparation, her mate became aroused. It may have been the warm aroma of fresh pancakes; it may have been the way her hips swayed as she flipped them. In any case, he was propelled to instigate amorous activity, specifically the reception of oral sex -- or, as Pravda described it, "French love."
The woman turned away from her pancakes, dropped to her knees and began performing fellatio. The man, no doubt appreciating the gesture, took it upon himself to clear some things off the top of the stove, including a heavy cast-iron pan. Unfortunately, he lost his grip on the pan, and it fell and smacked his girlfriend on the head.

"She strongly gritted her teeth because of the suddenness and pain," intoned Pravda soberly.

The traditional Russian pancake holiday of Maslyanitsa, or "cheese week," when people eat blini and hold street festivals, was reportedly not affected by the well-publicized accident.

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Demonic Dave's Religious Comment.
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"The Ark"
(At a cinema near you soon)
I watched the movie "Moses" the other day with a friend, you know, just for a laugh.
"I wonder why they never made a film about the Ark?" he mused.
"Because it's total bollocks" I intelligently replied.
Ill explain...

Demonic operates outside of the control of the POC, he alone is responsible for his comments.

The story of Noah and his ark. Who hasn't heard it? After all, most kids at one point in time have owned the little plastic boat with two of each animal. But to Christians it's a factual story about the destruction of Earth's population, and it's method of repopulation. Can it be true?

I find it odd that this is such a popular story to tell children, but go into any book store and you will see the little cartoon books with the pairs of happy little animals and happy people on the ark. Yet when one reads the Bible, the story doesn't even come close to resembling the children's story.

The story starts off in Genesis Chapter 6, when God looks at the world and decides that it is a horrible place. (SN: - Perhaps he only saw Wales?) God decides that he will destroy everything that inhabits the earth.
There was one guy though who wasn't so bad, a farmer named Noah.

Good ol' God tells Noah that he is fed up with his creation, and that he is going to destroy everything on Earth. God also tells Noah that he is to build an ark, or ship. This ark is to be (according to Genesis 6:14-16) made of gopherwood, 300 cubits long, 50 cubits wide, 30 cubits high, and have three levels.
The construction of the ark is, quite frankly, impossible. By today's measures the ark would be 450 feet long, 75 feet wide, and 45 feet high. It's not that the construction of a ship this size is impossible, after all the ark is dwarfed by the R.M.S. Titanic. There are just too many things that go along with it that make it impossible. First off, the building of any ship is a chore. Even with today's technology and skilled craftsmen, it takes a great deal of time and work to build a ship of the ark's size. The average ship building crews consist of a team of engineers and marine architects, a great deal of skilled ship builders with years of training and experience, and a countless supply of unskilled labourers helping out the builders. Yet we are to believe that a farmer, with no known ship building experience, can harvest and refine all the needed lumber, design and engineer a ship, and build it on his own with more efficiency than today's crews?
This is only the first problem, now just imagine what had to be stuffed into the ark.

The Ark's Cargo

There is quite a bit of confusion as to what had to go onto the ark. While I continue this section, keep the image of the Titanic in mind, and that the Titanic held about 3,500 people.

According to Genesis 6:19-21 there are supposed to be two of each animal, a male and a female and food for all. But in Genesis 7:2-3 it says that all clean animals, as well as birds should be taken in by sevens, male and female... or 14 of each animal. This is just one of the many contradictions one can find throughout the Bible, which already harms the credibility of this story.

In order to make survival of the world more believable we will have to go with 14 of each clean animal. But 14 of each animal on the face of the earth on a single ship? That's impossible. Take a look.

Along with the 14 of each animal, there had to be food (and we can conclude due to the storm stirring up mud into the water, we have to assume water was brought onto the ark also). Not to mention that, contrary to what many say, the animals had to have been adults. Why did they have to be adults? Simple, non-reproducing animals still eat, and if they are non reproducing, they would eat each other into extinction within days after the ark unloaded.

Now how much food would be needed? As we know, God told Noah it was going to rain for 40 days and 40 nights. But in Genesis 7:24 it said that the water remained for 150 days (190 days). In Genesis 8:1 it says that God remembered Noah (how could an all knowing God forget the only group of living beings on earth?) and that the rain was restrained and the fountains from below stopped (so God not only forgot about Noah, but let it rain an extra 150 days... God isn't one to keep his word, nor remember too much, huh?). Well, to get to the point, in Genesis 8:13 it says that it took 1 year, 1 month, and 1 day for the waters to be gone. When we think about the food and water one goes through in a year it's amazing... but what about the 14 of each species of elephants aboard? To keep it simple we will say that there were African and Asian Elephants, and Woolly Mammoths, but there could have been even more. So if there were 14 of each, that means there would have been a total of 42 pachyderms on the ark. Each of which would have weighed 12,000 pounds, this is a total weight of 504,000 pounds just for the animals alone, that's 252 tons!

Now what about the food and water for these animals? An elephant requires 500 pounds of food per day (they can eat up to 1,000 pounds per day) as well as 50 gallons of water per day (a gallon weighs about 10 pounds, so that is an extra 500 pounds of water per day, per elephant). They were on the ark for 397 days, so this means that there had to be 8,337,000 pounds of food and 833,700 gallons (8,337,000 pounds) of water on the ark... just for the elephants. So in order to just carry the elephants, the ship would have to hold 17,178,000 pounds (8,589 tons). This would be equal to the ark carrying 215 fully legally loaded articulated lorries.

You also have to consider that there would have to be millions maybe even billions of other animals on the ship, not to mention their food and water. When you really think about it, considering how much mud would have been churned up by such a violent storm and the underground fountains, surely the fish would have died. If you put a gold fish in a tumble dryer for 150 days, or even a whale in one, they would die.
But how could Noah have gotten 14 Blue Whales on his ark?

Don't know about you but I have to conclude its all total bollocks!

Tangent Man
"Tell me wise Tangent man person, where the bugger are you?"
Dear Tangent fans. It is my sad duty to inform you that The Tangent is not available this month having suffered a terrible fate, err perhaps. Well to tell you the truth I'm not really sure. You see the thing is he's no longer with us, not sure that he's dead exactly, just not with us? His departure was witnessed by a little old lady, for you never get big old ladies do you - anyway, this little old lady was out walking her dog past the Greenwich observatory when she spotted what she described as a funny little man holding a burger staring into the middle distance. This man has now been positively identified as The Tangent and the burger identified as being plain - bread, meat, bread - nothing on it! "He looked troubled" she said, so I asked him if he was alright, he quivered slightly and said "Who am I? What am I doing here?" then he scribbled a note and disappeared in a puff of logic. "Poof he went, then gone" she added!	"MIL" (Missing in Logic)
Scientists studying video footage taken from the observatory and examining the note have concluded that The Tangent actually found the answers to the questions that he posed himself and instantly imploded as a result of answers. He had written the following: - I am Tangent Man I am having Lunch Make of it what you will! Anyway - This leaves a gap in this month's POC that I, as Editor El-Supremo will claim for my own until Tangents return. I use it to promote something of significant significance, ouch! Some of you will be familiar with SETI or the Search for Extra Terrestrial Intelligence. This North American organisation wastes several million pounds a year sniffing the galaxy for any radio signals that might have originated from deep space and presumably some intergalactic top 10 being played to the funky residents of some distant planet. The trouble is they generate more data then they can actually examine, so, some bright spark at their offices decided to enlist the assistance of the several million computers that sit about most nights and lunch breaks doing bugger all - yours and mine basically. They made a screen saver which draws attractive looking graphs on your screen and crunches their data sending results back once completed, then getting another bit and off it goes again - all via the good old net. Clever eh. Now I have a problem with their project, the biggest problem is that I am perfectly happy to accept the fact that we're alone in the universe, I know that they keep telling me that the odds on this are slim given the sheer number of planets, yadda, yadda, yadda. I don't care, I'm still happy to accept that it's just us. Also I think that if there is anything worth locating in space it should basically come to us, why should we go look for it, hey unless I can eat it I'm not really interested. Also, the day that they can tell me what the average dolphin is saying I might buy the idea that they will be able to translate alien should they get any of it on tape. But - What if I'm wrong? Unlikely given my past performance but there is always a chance isn't there. If I was wrong what a missed opportunity it would be, for if it's my PC that crunches the data that contains proof of life elsewhere in the universe - wait for it - I get to name it. How cool is that. I am therefore requesting that you all download the SETI Screensaver (here) and join me in the data crunching, for if a PenisOwner member gains the high honour of naming the aliens we will surely be calling them The Rolf's - from the planet Harris.
Got a question for the Tangent Man? - Click here to ask it. Click Here for "Tangent Wear"© range of clothing and merchandise.

As regular readers will be aware now and again I experience a moment in my life that can only be described as perfect.
That is to say that nothing whatsoever could have improved upon that moment.

Let me set the scene

Its just gone midnight in one of London's central parks, for we have more than one. (Citizens of New York take note) Battersea Park to be precise. I generally consider Battersea park to be one of London's best, I'm a little biased as this is the one in which I grew up, but I don't think that my statement would be regarded as too contentious by those who don't have my happy childhood memories. Good memories, never to be replaced, not even by the strange and restless type of dreams that I have these days - but enough about that.

OK, so Its gone midnight, I'm strolling and whistling a nice Otis Redding song. Summer is just creeping out in London so the night is nice and warm with the first signs of summer blooms rearing their heads. Young couples stroll hand in hand around the parks large pond whist ducks and swans discuss their differences. A Marlboro hangs from my lower lip and I'm wearing my favourite trainers - nice and comfy like, hair's slicked back and generally looking Goooood!

As is always the case with my perfect moments, just as I'm thinking that life can't be any better God has an extra special treat arranged for me. This time however he's outdone himself. Creationism must have been a mere pat on the back for the globe compared to what God gave me, for around the corner, coming out of the moonlight stroll 8,000 women dressed in jogging shorts and bras. Yeah, I had to double take as well. I'll repeat myself! Eight Thousand women dressed in jogging shorts and bras.

Unbeknown to me fate had led me in the path of the 4th Annual Playtex Moon Walk in aid of Breast Cancer. This charitable walk raises money for the cause, but enough about that crap, were talking about 16,000 individual breasts walking towards me. Bras in pink, blue, black. Bras with tassels, beads, braiding. Big bras, little bras, some as big as your head bras. And each and every one was filled to capacity with a tit.

Damn I love my life and I love my city.

Help fight breast cancer lads, hey, its in your interest after all! - Serious Info on breast cancer: - Here

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Its a dream we all have isn't it, money is literally no object, you can do what you want, absolutely, with no limitations. A sterling example has been set by Mr Tito and his quick trip around the International Space Station - but come on - think bigger - here's my list.
Concert Time I'd pack the biggest stadiums with thousands of screaming women and strut back and forth on the stage giving my rendition of Raw Hide, which is actually rather terrible if I do say so myself, indeed I was once asked to leave a bar in Daytona as it was so bad. But with the zillions in my back pocket the crowds will go wild. Hmm, looks like Bruce beat me to it. Bugger!	Newspapers Why read all that depressing news each day when you can own your own newspaper. Being the boss you don't have to have any regard for the truth of course - Oh no. I'd set about a wave of self publicity announcing to the world how wonderful I am. "Shagnasty cures all known diseases" would be Monday's headline, by Thursday I'd have broken the land speed record on a single in-line skate, brought peace to the troubled streets of Milton Keynes and Jennifer Lopez would have been arrested for stalking Shag Mansion. Hell, that one's been done before also.
Movie Mogul Having purchased all the major studios I'd set about remaking all the greats as they should have been. Complete and total disregard for their original settings would prevail adding a nice UK bias me thinks. The Bird Man of Pentonville, Escape From New Wales, The Serbiton Chainsaw Massacre and Breakfast at Bernies Cafe, City Road, London would all be there. War films, well where do I start, hell remake em all and of course the UK wins all the battles single handed. The mere suggestion that I retain any degree of historical accuracy would be dismissed out of hand. Blast, beaten to it again.	Politics I don't have any sensible political ideals, few morals, many vices and some rather distorted religious beliefs, but hey, I'm rich, and what's more I have lots of rich pals and companies that I suck up to. So leader of my nation I soon will be. Once elected of course I'll immediately start to behave in a manner that gives all the nations around me great cause for concern, the first dictate of course being the banning of "wonder Bras", for I have been duped too many times now! Foiled again! Once more I tread in the wake of others.
Eccentric Behaviour With the sort of cash I'm packing I can be as crazy as I want and nobody can do a thing about it. Lets see, where shall I start. I know, I'll build a giant home and fill it with Llamas, make my best friend a monkey, live in an oxygen tank, change the colour of my skin..........Ahem - sounds familiar? Oh come on now, do you really need the picture?
Civil Engineering It'll cost a real wad, but well worth it I think you will agree. For with my cash I will commence the world's largest civil engineering construction project ever undertaken. Row upon row of every earth moving machine ever made will be at my disposal and gather with a single and common agenda. Slowly but surely Wales will be shoved out to sea creating a natural barrier to prevent all but the most determined from crossing. A toll bridge will be available of course but I think that the exit toll of several thousand pounds will ensure that the traffic is rather one way I would suggest. I know that the Irish are likely to complain about Wales being moved closer to them, but mankind's greatest strides have always involved losers in one way or another. Sorry Ireland, for the greater good and all that... you know. Ha - That ones not been done has it. Don't know about you but I've started saving like mad because Ann Robinson has a hell of a head start on me in the cash department.

Shagnasty's June 2001 "The POC"
Issue Fifteen (15)	Release Date: 1st June 2001		© PenisOwner.com 1996-2001
Welcome to the World Wide Family of Penis Owners. Not a member? Welcome anyway but you can join here, if you want.
Previous Issues		Legal Stuff

A list of true Hard Nuts (Part Two!) You think you're hard do you? We've all heard the call, made at pub closing time by some shaved gorilla in a track-suit and jewellery. Many might think they're hard, but it takes more than a tattoo on the forehead and a broken bottle to be the real deal. It's about doing that something extra, whether it be the bravest thing or even just the stupidest thing. Like Ghandi who never threw a punch in his life, or Mike Tyson who did. Behold! We present part II in the list of true hard nuts.
Dads (In general) The combined armies of Hitler would be no match for this iron-man, until you reach the age of eight, when you discover he's actually a pie-eating lay-about who can't even work the video. "My dad is harder than yours," you'd say. Sadly, only as long as the tooth fairy still visits.	Stone Cold Steve Austin Hardest WWF actor there is! The Texas rattlesnake can have anyone and take a beating, but never loses? In victory he shotguns about eight cans of whoop-ass and doesn't get pissed. But then again America's canned stuff is merely beer flavoured water. Top shouty voice also.
Gandhi Managed to defeat the world's largest empire by collecting salt, and absorbed countless digs without raising so much as a little finger in retaliation. Disproves the theory that you can't be hard and wear glasses and a big nappy!
Big Ron from Eastenders There was never any trouble when this mute, barrel-chested market trader was in the Queen Vic. A quiet man but a hard man. Mike Reid knew better than to call this man a "pilchard" and no mistake.	Steven Seagal. In "Hard To Kill", he awakens from a coma and while in a wheelchair beats up a crew of baddies. The only man who could knock grown men out with girl slaps. Also the first westerner to open a martial arts school in Japan - like an Indonesian coming to teach us how to play British Bulldog! Seagal earned black belts in Aikido, Karate, Judo and Kendo. But his other claims are less likely - that he was a CIA agent and ran operations for The Shah of Iran. (Image copyright © 2001 by Tom Richmond, used with permission.)
Biffa Bacon and his Dad and Mum For recovering from life-threatening injuries in minutes. A living ancestry of arse-clenching hardness and bobble-hatted violence.
Begbie (Train Spotting) Archetypal Scottish thin-yet-hard man you don't want to be stuck with in a pub. Or anywhere else. Winner of the 1999 Speed Violence At The Drop Of A Hat Award.	Nelson Mandela. So hard that he was prepared to lay down his life for his beliefs, which saw him banged up in a shithole for 27 years. During his time inside he actually became harder - hard enough even to be magnanimous and statesmenlike on his release. Shame about the dodgy wife though!
Winston Churchill Needed to be well hard to take sole responsibility for guiding Britain through the stormy seas of war to the port of peace where we docked - Ahem. Offered The Hun out everywhere: - We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills, we shall never surrender. Now that's hard.	EMU (Oh and I spose that twat with his hand up its arse!) Fearless two legged bird adopted by Rod Hull as a chick after a sneaky visit to Chessington Zoo. Raised in the absence of any natural predators, Emu grew up to be totally fearless, as the likes of arse-licking Parkinson and Snoop Dogg will readily testify. Not quite hard enough to save his dad from that terminal tumble whilst adjusting the TV aerial on his roof. Hard life for Rod and Emu, bit of a silly death for Rod though. Oh well.
David Prowse Green Cross Code man who later played Darth Vader, thus juggling the tricky twin roles of teaching kids how to avoid being run over whilst attempting to crush the Rebel Alliance. Hard yet soft - respect due. Sadly now replaced with a cartoon hedgehog - not renown for its road crossing skills!	Mike Tyson You might have beaten him up, but only in the Nintendo game. Dominated boxing whilst wearing old fashioned boots that must have pinched like buggery. Hard as nails - with a very, very poncy voice! Weird one that.
Don't mess with any of the above. It really would be a bad idea, as bad ideas go. Back to Index

Shagnasty's Righteous Rant Sorry people but it's got to be done. "Good Vs Bad" Tiny effort = big difference

Reasons that Shagnasty isn't a politician

Demonic Dave's Religious Comment. DL Theme Tune 5.1Mb zipped MP3

The Ark's Cargo

Tangent Man

Shagnasty's Righteous Rant
Sorry people but it's got to be done.

"Good Vs Bad"
Tiny effort = big difference

Demonic Dave's Religious Comment.
DL Theme Tune
5.1Mb zipped MP3