A note from your Editor, Shagnasty:

Greetings once again my brothers and only friends, well, what can I say? I guess sorry would be a good start, you see real life got terribly in the way of my normal POC duties, so we have all gone without for two whole months. Back now though, let the silliness commence: - Enjoy...

Your regular contributors, as always are: -

Shagnasty	Demonic Dave	Tangent Man
Info DL Theme Tune 1.18Mb	Info DL Theme Tune 5.1Mb	Info

Enjoy!

Playboy, Porn star or Psycho:: Which are you? There is a way to tell you know...

The Alphabet of Kink: C'mon, lets get kinky shall we.

Shagnasty's Righteous Rant: Television, Oh come on it is rather crap these days isn't it.

International Penis: America, Santiago and Thailand are all visited this month

Demonic's Religious Comment: Catholicism in the US today.

Penis File: It's a penis flavoured Bath-Time Barbers-Shop Quartet this month. Enjoy, and sing along why don't ya.

Readers Feedback: Your comments in print.

Sponsors: Another name for advertisements people, well you can't blame me for trying can you?

This months POC was written brought to you by the letters: -

L, S & D


A is for Amputee devotion If you get off at the thought of stroking a naked stump or having an amputee, it could be that you knew someone with a missing limb that led to strong emotions you now associate with arousal. Or it could be a power thing. Want a bit: - Get Belgium's Ampulove mag and toss on missing-limbed porn star, Long-Jean-Silver.	B is for Balloon They're not the sexiest of sex toys, but rubber lovers think that they are hotter than Cario. The smell and feel of one gets them so excited it results in the balloon being humped against its will down some dark alley. Thin, party balloons are wrapped around the todger to make a tight, rubbery orifice, or the hole can be shagged. Want a bit: - Rub your latex lover up the wrong way and the love affair won't always have a happy ending - cigarettes, sharp fingernails or too much hot air might burst their bubble. But when the balloon pops, so do they..!
C is for Coughing Watching ladies sneeze, cough, spit or blow their noses triggers some to spit out other body fluids - the girls look of surrender as she succumbs to the sneeze gives them a rock-on. Some websites have pictures of girls sneezing and there are anti-smoking chat rooms to get a stiffy over when girls describe their hacking coughs. One phlegm fan says he'd love to meet a tall woman with deep, warm, smoker's cough who starts a coughing fit with prolonged rattling. Want a bit: - Get back on the B&H then.	D is for Dressing Up. Grown men who long to be babies shave their bodies, wear nappies and shit themselves, then cream over a spanking from "mummy". Man disguised as girl is another turn-on, where people squeeze into doll-like rubber masks before ripping them off for the sexual finale. Want a bit: - American adult-baby club, Diaper Pail Friends, hold diaperfest get-togethers.
E is for Electricity Electric sex gadgets often come in the form of two-pronged cattle prods and can either titillate or provide mild torture, depending on the voltage. A pastime enjoyed by the Japanese electrophiles (those aroused by electricity) spend cold nights around the fire with electrodes attached to their bits while playing with the electric current. Want a bit: - Finding out your lady-friend suffers from this fetish could come as a shock, especially if you don't dry your hands.	F is for Fur Furverts get off on creating dirty animal cartoon characters (like Minnie Mouse being taken by Bugs Bunny). "Plushies" make teddy-bears and other stuffed animals the object of their affection. Want a bit: - The problem with fur is that it always gets stuck between your teeth.
G is for Gun Some girls like playing with guns. Some shove them in their knickers and use them as extremely dangerous dildos. What really gets them moist is the smell and phallic shape, along with the thought of the weapon exploding and pumping out hot lead (sound familiar?) Want a bit: - Bite the bullet and ask your missus if it's a Beretta .9mm or .22 six-shooter that makes her go bang.	H is for Hair If you like hairy birds, complete with full body fur, you could knock one out to videos such as "Hairy Honies VI", which boasts, "Marlene's pubic hair is fine and about two inches long. It spreads from a big, dark bush onto her thighs and a sparse trail around her derriere. Want a bit: - Hair today, gone tomorrow.
I is for Inflation Body-inflation fetishists want more boobs, nose and arse. Breast-expansion fans wank over pictures of women with two or three pairs of tits; nose-growth groupies like Pinocchio-style snod jobs. Apparently, this comes from memories of breast feeding. "There is a trend for devices that inflate the labia and porn for people who like seeing inflated vaginal lips. Want a bit: - Pull the udder one.	J is for Jesus Those with Hierophillia, or arousal by sacred objects, masturbate with crosses, or sit in church and listen to hymns while having sex. Some horny disciples have even broken into churches and screwed on the altar. Want a bit: - Get retribution with a divine dildo.
K is for Knicker-Wetting Some folks get the hots from pissing in public. Psychologists say they get the horn because they're breaking social rules and regressing back to childhood. Wee fans could giver their lovers a special gift; a golden enema, which basically involves inserting your erect manhood up her backside and letting rip - lovely eh? Want a bit: - In the video "Yello Jello", a lady eats jelly made from her wee.	L is for Lifting Blokes who lust after lifting up helpless females and carrying them off to safety say they really love it when the girl feels all floppy in their arms and sigh and moan when they are picked up. Some blokes get a schlong-on by watching girls nodding off, with videos such as "All knocked out III", catering for their sleepy needs. Want a bit: - Those with a bad back shouldn't bother to apply.
It takes all sorts to make the world go around I guess - and the list above certainly proves that.
Back to Index

Shagnasty's Righteous Rant
Sorry people but it's got to be done.
Television is so cowardly!

It was once the case that British Television was brave. Brave in that just because the TV existed and the airways were available it didn’t actually transmit anything unless it had something worth broadcasting. It’s hard to imagine today but I remember a time when after Jackanory a very British voice would say “…and that’s it for BBC1 until 4pm this afternoon, we don’t have anything worth showing now so we'll all take a bit of a nap here and leave you with the test card”, and that’s exactly what they did. Programmes stopped and a static image of a girl playing Noughts & Crosses with a puppet appeared. As for the night it was all over and done with by 11pm, a quick blast of the National Anthem, some nice shots of the queen riding her horsey and they shut down. They even gave out a final high pitched tone to wake up any slobs who had fallen asleep on the couch so even they would reach their bed.

Not these days, now it’s an endless stream of mind numbing Australian soaps and worthless talk shows crammed to the hilt with love-lost people all bitching about former partners who have deserted them for nothing more heinous than spending all their time vegetating in front of day-time TV. Add to the mix a rather sycophantic host and the brainwashing is complete I would suggest.
If this was just the good old Beeb it might not be so bad, but now we have 100’s of channels all spewing out the same old shit, some of them even show the same shit more than once per day, and people pay for this! – Remarkable!

I’m ashamed to admit that I once sat through an hour-long documentary about the Suez Canal, why? - Because it was on, because the buggers controlling the TV didn’t have the balls to say “we have nothing of any value to broadcast so we suggest that you nip off for a bit and read a book, we're going to!”

I, and I would urge others to do so to, am turning over a new leaf. I now have a look at the listings and if there is nothing of any remote value on I simply don’t turn the damn telly on, I don’t allow its insidious control over me any more. I’ve reclaimed my life and have added value back in my world and spend my time in the pursuit of worthy character-building activities that both educate and stimulate.

So I’ve renewed my subscription to Playboy, for they do indeed have some very good articles about vintage cars.

Got a rant of your own? Back to Index

A mixed bag for ya this month

Hole iIn One
More than 100 horny Americans, including prostitutes, golfers and their caddies, were arrested having an orgy at California's Hidden Valley golf course. Cops were alerted after visiting golfers were forced to play around lewd sex romps on several fairways.

But is Tit Art
A schoolgirl spent a week walking around Santiago naked as part of an project. Her mother gave permission for her pert daughter to strip off for the artwork, which involved a fellow student going around the Chilean capital filming peoples reaction to the girl.

Roadside Litter
A Thai truck driver parked on a suburban street, got out waving a meat cleaver and then used it to chop of his penis. Witnesses said he then threw it in a bin. Err, why?

Back to Index

Demonic Dave's Religious Comment.
DL Theme Tune
5.1Mb zipped MP3

"This month's topic for discussion is Catholicism in the US today..."

Demonic operates outside of the control of the POC, he alone is responsible for his comments.

"This month's topic for discussion is Catholicism in the US today..."

" ! "

Thank you.
Join us next week for another lively debate, unless you have choir practice or something...
in which case - Good Luck!

Back to Index

Further Reading By Others...

Go on, expand your minds...

The Penis Owners Club Back issues!
Monthly silliness for all that own one.
Bigger is better... Is it?
Not always it isn't.
Cycling & The Hidden Dangers to your dick!
Penile compression and its effects.
Bashful bladder or Paruresis?
The inability to pee when not alone apparently.
Squeeze your nuts with impunity
Go on, have a play on me, tell em Shagnasty said it was ok.
"Fractured Penis", Its rare but it can happen.
It doesn't bear thinking about really does it. Read if you have the courage.
Premature ejaculation?
Don't fire until you see the whites of her eyes.

"Shagnasty's purchase of the month"

A Mind of Its Own: A Cultural History of the Penis

Description...

David M. Friedman's A Mind of Its Own is a cultural examination of the penis, from ancient Sumer to the present. Friedman convincingly suggests that humankind's various and contradictory attitudes toward the penis have been instrumental in mapping the course of both Western civilization and world history.
Friedman begins with pagan attitudes: ancient Greeks considered the penis a measure of a man's proximity to "divine power," while the Romans, whose generals were known to promote soldiers based on penis size, saw it as an indicator of earthly strength. Thanks to the spread of Christianity, the "sacred staff became the demon rod"--a fearful manifestation of the devil. Theology gave way, grudgingly, to science. In the Renaissance, anatomical discoveries allowed for the possibility that this "agent of death" was, in fact, only a "blameless instrument of reproduction." Subsequent chapters discuss the penis's role as a racial yardstick; its "defining role in human personality" as asserted by Freud; its politicization; and finally, through the likes of Viagra, its objectification as a "thing ... impervious to religious teachings, psychological insights, racial stereotypes and feminist criticism."

Friedman's study of what he calls the "symbolic muscle" is filled with fascinating side trips (castration cults, ancient graffiti, the anti-masturbation "semen-retention movement," aphrodisiacs through the ages, and, to modern eyes, risible medical practices with the likes of monkey glands), as well as a rich cast of characters (Leonardo da Vinci, John Kellogg of cornflake fame, Kate Millet, Clarence Thomas, and Walt Whitman). The book is informal, but well researched (and documented), entertaining but not cute, wide-ranging but not sketchy, and simultaneously irreverent and respectful. --H. O'Billovich.

Shagnasty's Book Listing -- Here

Disclaimer & Stuff To Generally Cover my Butt.

Right I'm no legal dude but I'll try to cover my butt in here as much as I can!

Everything above is just a laugh, I can't guarantee the accuracy of anything that is included, indeed some of it is wholly untrue. Members of the POC are not obliged in any way to the POC and the POC has no obligations to them.

Nothing included in this site or it's associated pages can be reproduced without the express permission of the author. I have tried to credit all sources external to the POC but if you believe that you have been infringed upon in any way write to me and I will either give credit or remove it, whatever is appropriate.

Persons wishing to contribute to the POC will be assumed to have done so on the basis that their contribution is available to be used in any way that I choose, if this is not the case then you should clearly state so.

The e-mail address of persons contributing will not knowingly be made available to any organization, under any circumstances.

Err, that's it I think. Butt covered.

Are you a legal dude? Should I take this bit more seriously? Write and tell me.

Back to Index

Shagnasty's August 2002 "The POC"
Issue Twenty Nine (29)	Release Date: 1st August 2002		© PenisOwner.com 1996-2002
Welcome to the World Wide Family of Penis Owners. Not a member? Welcome anyway but you can join here, if you want.
Previous Issues		Legal Stuff

"Which Are You?" Playboy, Porn Star, or Psycho, It's a question that we all wonder about now and again I know. Fear not, simply answer the questions below and all will be revealed. Let's begin shall we…
You go out for a swift drink, a lady approaches, how do you chat her up? a) "You know, you're not half bad for a fat bird. Fancy a tickle in the Lotus?" b) "You bet it's hot in here, take off your panties and make like a Labrador" c) "Mother used to wear her hair like that..!"	How do you spend your average Saturday night? a) On the yacht with a handful of blondes, the sons of three war criminals and a jaded 70's rock star for ironic colour b) Shooting sperm into a clueless young Hungarian's face, surrounded by a bearded film crew in a warehouse. c) Putting on ladies clothes and driving a van along the A12 scouting for hitchhikers.
What are your strongest memories of childhood? a) Cruising slums for tuppeny rent boys as part of public school "initiation". b) Loosing your virginity at the age of 12 to an attractive aunt. c) Granddad forcing you to wear a bag on your head whilst threatening to cut your penis off.	A woman is deserted by her friends at a club - what do you do? a) Send your driver to pick her up and put her in a posh hotel, paid for, while you nip off to Spain for the night. b) Engage in a tiresome 15 minute conversation with her by the road before asking if she is interested in the "movies". c) Give her a lift in your truck, mumbling The Lords Prayer for the four mile journey along a dirt track to your run-down hotel.
Which of these things have you said to a girl in bed? a) "and you can clean the bloody dishes on your way out you cheap little tart.." b) "Oh yeah baby, you know daddy's home and he needs the deal... Nnnuuuugh!" c) "In this light you look just like John Pertwee. Don't EVER leave..."	Complete the following sentence: - "Girls never leave me because..." a) I can't let father see the tabloid scandals. b) My cock is so hard it's like sleeping with a fucking rolling pin, man. c) They're dead!
What haircut do you have? a) Slicked back with gel made from Panda's liver and Dolphin lips. b) What appears to be long, greasy, slicked back hair, but is actually a pony-tail. c) Care-in-the-community buzzcut with randomly-missed tufts and razor burns, and one eyebrow	What is your main vice? a) Gambling, and alcohol, and drugs, and lying. Actually, none at all. b) Smearing some toothpaste onto your helmet to "stem the tide" for just one more take. c) What a shrink calls "A psychotic hatred of women and a delusional state, leading to extreme violence.
What's your favourite music? a) A selection of Marvin Gaye's greatest, panty feeling classics. b) Anything with a funk bass and strong wah-wah overtones. c) Listening to the same Beatles song over and over again until the lyrics begin to sound like "kill her"	What would you wear on a first date? a) Gucci loafers, Armani suit and a hidden tape recorder for use later in court, perhaps. b) Polyester kimono with red dragon motif, delay cream. c) All-in-one body suit, made from female skin.
What's your favourite position? a) Always on top, one hand free for cocaine ingestion. b) At least 12 in any one session, then withdrawing before the crucial "money shot". c) Leaping out from behind a bin in a dark alley shrieking.	When do you think it is the right time to meet her parents? a) In court, discussing DNA tests and maintenance payments. b) In court, discussing AIDS tests and school reports. c) From a cage in court, discussing psychological tests and the final resting place of 47 ex-girlfriends.
An attractive lady drops her purse in front of you, the contents are spread all over, and coins are rolling off in all directions. Do you: - a) Tell her not to bother with the shrapnel hand her a £50.00 note with your business card and a knowing smile. b) Drop down next to her, start doing one-arm press-ups. Once she cops the Bis and Tris it'll be back to your bedsit with the camcorder going ten-to-the-dozen before you can say cum. c) Pocket the house keys and a bank letter with the address on it before she notices. When she eventually gets in with the spare keys, there you are bollock-naked with her Alan Whickers on your head, watching Emmerdale and smoking a pipe.	In a local wine bar you see a stunning blonde smiling in your direction. Do you: - a) Talk to her suavely, buy her a glass of crystal and when she gets too tipsy, call her a taxi. She'll be talking about you for weeks. b) Stride up in leather trousers, pull out a few one-liners - in an hour you're back at hers, with three of her mates, nuts deep in guts. c) Approach her smiling, then pretend to sneeze, head-butt her and drag her out under your coat.
Who would be your ideal lover? a) Jennifer Lopez : Exotic and talented. b) Jenna Jameson : Flexible, docile and usually horizontal. c) Genetic Freaks : Scared of the daylight and cursed with both sets of genitals.	What three items do you always keep on the bedside table? a) Decanter of Cognac, lap-top linked to the stock exchange b) Pot of lube, lava-lamp, copper's truncheon. c) Plastic bag full of hair, large jar of ether and a ski-mask.
You're at the beach talking to a female companion, when a burly youth throws a Frisbee at your nuts. What's your response? a) Pick up the Frisbee and hand it back politely. Then call a private detective to trace him and plant drugs in his suitcase before a family holiday to Turkey. b) Check your undercarriage and threaten to "fuck him in the arse like a prison bitch". c) Double over in pain, weep inconsolably and hide in a cave for three years before mysteriously murdering all his school friends one by one... with the same Frisbee.	You need help on keeping a woman. Where do you turn? a) Jack the stable hand, he knows how to tame a filly. b) Ramone the dealer, he's already got her hooked on smack and crack. c) The Zanussi freezer manual.
You're watching a film and become furiously aroused. Which film are you watching? a) Dangerous Liaisons, the erotic masterpiece set in the 18th century. b) Clitoris Allsorts, the banned watersports movie set in a Munich council flat. c) Babe 2, pig in the city.	Your lady complains of a headache after promising the world. Do you: - a) Fly her by private jet around Europe until the headache ceases. b) Get dick out, spray her face and leave. c) Scream "I don't work 12 hours a day FOR THIS!" Throw her out of the window and chase her down the street with your trousers around your ankles whilst waving a hammer.
Mostly A's Congratulations. You are a man of influence and wealth, who can pull all the right strings and get ahead with ladykind. And if you can't get them that way, you're fully capable of buying the organisation they work for and threatening to sack them if they won't play ball. Mostly B's Not bad. You clearly meet plenty of women through your line of work, and approach even the most meaningless fumble with professionalism. Most likely you're already in the "entertainment" industry, or a European MP. Try not to put oranges in your mouth whilst masturbating or donkey porn in your briefcase. Mostly C's Despite a genuine longing for affection and commitment women are repelled by your desperate, crawling fingers scratching the paint from their windowsills. Try talking openly about your feelings towards women, preferably without flecking them with spittle or constantly referring to them as "victim", and you might have more success. Maybe. Couldn't Answer any? Found that nothing related to you in any way? Probably married than aren't you, tough! Life's hard, deal with it and move on people, move on.
Back to Index

Shagnasty's Righteous Rant Sorry people but it's got to be done. Television is so cowardly!

Demonic Dave's Religious Comment. DL Theme Tune 5.1Mb zipped MP3

Shagnasty's Righteous Rant
Sorry people but it's got to be done.
Television is so cowardly!

Demonic Dave's Religious Comment.
DL Theme Tune
5.1Mb zipped MP3